Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Gene for Reductionism Discovered!

Researchers at the University of Bog-End claim that there is an evolutionary advantage to being a reductionist.

“Many evolutionary psychologists have had successful media careers by embracing absurdly simple-minded and untestable versions of reductionism. Clearly having such views confers an adaptive advantage in the competitive world of tv punditry,” said Dr. Spangle Hopfkrauer, the lead author of the new study. “Success on tv confers status, enhances careers and brings in bags of cash,” he added.

“In the past people held the naïve view that reductionism had something to do with getting at the truth,” he continued, “but we have discovered that it is literally hardwired into the DNA of successful scientists. In the war to win research grants and get promotions this can be a big advantage.”

Dr. Hopfkrauer went on “This research may also have medical applications. There are millions of people around the world who insist on believing things we don’t. We cannot allow them to go on living in the dark ages of superstition and even raise their own children in a way we do not like. In about ten years we will have a successful treatment for this condition. By inserting the reductionist gene into all children at birth, we will ensure that future generations see the world correctly.”


Chris said...

What about the gene for sarcasm? ;)

Theophrastus said...

I'm sure they'll find one. And posit a spurious evolutionary advantage to being a sardonic bugger.